Hair: It’s a fabulous accessory on your head, but not down below. My mission was laser hair removal; to be more specific, Brazilian Laser Hair Removal. Brazilian laser hair removal means the front, back and everything in-between, including the anus itself. A “landing strip” is usually left in the front. It can be almost invisible and it will be zapped. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about someone getting into every millimeter of my most intimate areas with a laser, but I was focused on being “smooth as a baby,” so I was excited.
I went to a Board Certified Dermatology office that specializes in various laser procedures. It takes 6 treatments in intervals of 4 – 6 weeks for the hair to be gone forever. I scheduled all of my appointments before getting started because I was fully committed to being silky smooth. I stripped down and put on a white gown. Carmen, the laser technician, came in and put some numbing cream on the area and talked to me for a few minutes about my heritage so she could decide what setting to use on the laser. Before I knew it, I had my gown lifted up, my legs spread…she was zapping. I felt like someone was skewering my va-j-j. My commitment to smoothness was starting to waiver. Smooth skin can’t be this important. Tears ran down my cheeks. Carmen reassured me that I would be fine as she continued to fry. I begged her to lower the setting and she told me that it was at the lowest setting. Then, she had me get on all fours. I wasn’t expecting this. My butt was sticking high in the air – and I felt like she was lasering my liver. I didn’t know the most inner part of the anus was part of this. I am not a very hairy person; I asked her if there was even hair there. She replied, “Just in case.” All I know – it was burning. I’ve given birth to four children and nothing felt like this. I asked for ice on the way out and I was told that it wasn’t necessary. I cancelled lunch with my husband and drove straight home to sit on ice. Its official… my crotch was on fire. I called the office and Carmen said she should have used a lower setting. Really? Carmen explained that while she used the lowest setting for a person with a Scandinavian background, there are lower settings. Are you kidding? I knew I was being fried. The “fire” left my desire for being “as smooth as a baby” and I cancelled the rest of my appointments. One thing I know for sure, I rather slice myself with a razor than to go through that again. But I do like smooth skin, so I think I’m going to buy a home laser machine, so I can control the settings myself. Will it work? I’ll keep you posted.